From May 2000, this hands down the most ridiculous of all the ridiculous songs.
The song is very loosely about a legless panhandler I used to walk past every day in Vancouver. Over the course of time, this song came together in my head at a tempo that roughly matched my walking speed. I resisted it for months as it bounced around in my head and assembled itself into verses and choruses, lyrics and melodies. I didn't write anything down or touch an instrument until I got fed up and recorded it to get it out of my head. It fell together like nothing - I had heard it so many times in my head, that I just picked up a guitar and played it. I had guitar, bass, keyboard, drum loop and vocals done in about 90 minutes.
Lyrically, I made him into a pro circuit surfer who lost his legs to a great white shark, then moved to the country where a meteorite crashed into the creek out back and revealed an alien air car that inspired him to use the air car and a sharpened stick to be a superhero who can kick your ass with his cosmic foot 'cause he ain't got no legs of his own. The end part was just stream of consciousness rambling to fill in gaps in the story.
lyrics
Dude ain't got no legs
Hey Dude, where did your legs go?
Hey Dude, you'd think that you would know?
In his air car, nothing affects him
Primitive technology neglects him
It's of alien design from the crater at the back of the creek
He's doing fine but sooner or later he'll sharpen a stick
A million miles an hour above us
A million times an hour he'll love us
He'll kick a hole a thousand miles wide in the crack of your ass
With his cosmic foot now, so knock off the sass
Don't give him sass.
Hey Dude, do you have something to hide?
Hey Dude, or did you suck them inside?
Do, do, do, do, Dude and his legs, Dude and his legs, Dude and his legs now are soon separated like candy from a baby or a fool and his money, do, do, do doot do. He was a surfer boy used to live down in LA, la, la, la, la, la all right. Used to ride. Used to ride around now on a surfboard on top of the waves, on top of the world, on top of the situation, lookin' at the ladies down on the beach then a Great White Shark came up behind him and bit his legs off, stupid son of a bitch should have had himself a harpoon gun or a big fishing net or something that would fend the shark off, but he didn't and now the Dude, Dude, Dude doesn't, doesn't, doesn't have any legs now. He came apart at the seams.
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